If This Is Your First Time, Take My Hand

As Conway Twitty once sang, I can tell you’ve never been this far (on my blog) before.  There have been many new visitors to this blog in the last few days, and I want you to know it’s okay to be nervous.  To make you more comfortable, I will tell you a bit more about this site and myself.  First, I’ve had quite a few jobs before I started blogging.  I am a man of many talents, and have often been hired to teach others new skills.  I have given ski lessons to Sonny Bono, flight lessons to John Denver, locution lessons to George W. Bush, driving lessons to Ted Kennedy, and taught Hunter Thompson how to aim a gun.  I have also been involved in some things I’m not proud about: I gave Barack Obama his first line of oratory, Jerry Nadler his first doughnut, Barney Frank his first lollipop, and introduced Lindsay Lohan to some dude who is a deejay.  I was once a nude centerfold for The Nation, but I was young and needed the money.  That Katrina Vanden Heuvel is very persuasive.  I hope that let’s you know a bit more about me and my blog.  Please no jokes about this post being shorter or quicker than you expected.  Please check in to the website as often Britney Spears checks into rehab.

But enough about me.  For the history of the website, click here.