Putin Announces New Policies, Mustache
In news unrelated to the Russian attack on Georgia, Prime Minister Vladimir Putin has announced several new policies he will pursue. Among other plans, Putin is enacting his economic policy known as the Five-Year Plan, as well as pushing collective farming. Opponents of the plan will be allowed to take part in a exciting new venture known as the Great Purge. Putin also announced he will be growing a large mustache and invading Poland in conjunction with German Chancellor Angela Merkel.
August 9, 2008 Posted by Edwards Report | Fake News, International, Laugher Curve | Angela Merkel, Chancellor, Five-Year Plan, Georgia, German, Germany, Great Purge, Poland, Prime Minister, Russia, Russian, Stalin, Vladamir Putin | Leave a comment
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Mr. Edwards, a longtime observer of politics, Lawrence Welk reruns, and the Victoria’s Secret catalog, has a real job besides blogging about politics, pop culture, and the latest fashions from his home in the Pacific Northwest. He is a successful author who has written under the noms de plume Agatha Christie, Oscar Wilde, and Shakespeare. He thinks he's clever by making obscure pop culture references. He reads too many liberal newspapers, and thus drinks heavily. He eats raw steak and drinks Jack Daniels for breakfast. He hates children, animals, and cuddling, and is surprisingly still single. He holds a bachelors degree in political science, or as he calls it, a BS in BS. He was once hired to be a performance artist, but was fired due to having talent and a future. He is so pomo he has become ironically detached from reality. He has frequently been praised for having the racial sensitivity of Don Imus, the moral rectitude of Larry Flynt, and the communication skills of a young Helen Keller. He is in the Guinness Book of World Records for having the largest collection of Precious Moments figurines. You can contact him at edwardsreport@gmail.com.Top Posts
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