I Kissed A Girl, Too (But I Didn’t Get A Hit Song Out Of It)

The latest stats show that this esteemed website just set a record for most visitors in a day, and is now on its way to another record day.  According to the last Nielson Internet ratings, The Edwards Report now ranks first among obese, one-armed, flatulent, alcoholic, Marlboro Red smoking, frigid, mute, Nepalese immigrant housewives, an often overlooked demographic.  I was once known as the man who kissed a girl, took her to the candy shop, and brought back sexy all in one afternoon before Kate Perry, 50 cent, and Justine Timberlack were born.  Now I shall be remembered for giving a voice to this underserved community.  I could not be prouder.  God bless you, Kanti!
UPDATE: Several of you have corrected me that the singer who attempted but failed to bring sexy back was not a female singer called Justine Timberlack, but a hermaphroditic singer known as Justin Timberlake, who is quite popular among homosexuals and fat women.  My apologies.

UPDATE II: Headline and wording altered slightly.  Get over it.

Herr Obama, Dummkopf

“It’s embarrassing when Europeans come over here, they all speak English, they speak French, they speak German. And then we go over to Europe and all we can say is merci beaucoup.”

That was Sen. Obama on July 8th.  Here is his speech from earlier in Berlin, Germany:

“Vielen Dank zu den Bürgern von Berlin und zu den Leuten von Deutschland. Lassen Sie mich Kanzler Merkel und Außenminister Steinmeier für Heißen willkommen mich früher heute danken. Vielen Dank Bürgermeister Wowereit, der Berlin Senat, die Polizei, und am meisten von allen vielen Dank für diesen Empfang . . . ”

Oh, wait.  Obama doesn’t speak a foreign language.  He delivered this address in English in a foreign land.  I don’t think there was even a merci beaucoup in there.  How embarrassing.

Check out the always enjoyable Michelle Malkin for a look at how Obama really is a dummkopf.

UPDATE: In response to the kind comments from KC:  Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.  When I said Obama doesn’t speak a foreign language, I was referring to Obama’s own statement: “I don’t speak a foreign language. It’s embarrassing!” My mistake for taking Sen. Obama at his word.

My criticism of Obama not speaking German in Germany was a response to his silly quote above, not because I would have been able to orate in German.  (Although after three years of studying German and visiting that beautiful country, I could have.)  Which, of course, brings us to German grammar.  In German, all nouns are still capitalized, as they once were in English.  The key phrase: IN GERMAN.

UPDATE II: Thanks for the link, Indigo Red.  Read about his further adventures here.

The (John) Edwards Report

This august publication is steeped in the well developed journalistic ethics that permeate so much of American media, so it is with a heavy heart that this post is based on a report in the National Enquirer.  They have been diligently pursuing a sex scandal involving onetime senator and former and possibly soon-to-be vice presidential candidate John “No Relation” Edwards.  The rumors that he has not only a mistress but a love child as well have been around for awhile, and they have no proof such as a DNA test, but their latest story does not look good.  So while his wife was battling cancer, Sen. Bedwards was (allegedly) riding dirty with this woman:

Sen. Bedwards & his baby's mama?