DC/NY Axis Outraged

Senator John McCain’s choice of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin to be his running mate has set off alarm bells throughout the Beltway and into the media center of New York City.  Washington Lobbyist Bernice Satanica was deeply alarmed about McCain’s choice.  ”Palin’s so inexperienced.  She’s not familiar with Washington’s ways.  For example, she doesn’t know how to hide a lobbyist’s gift from public scrutiny.  She doesn’t know how to work the system to give tax dollars to your undeserving campaign donors.  She doesn’t know which local park is best to stash the bodies of political associates or former lovers.  She’ll be a disaster.”

In New York City, the reaction was just as swift.  ”I mean, my god, does she even read Frank Rich every Sunday?  Has she ever read Derrida or Foucault?  Is America really ready for that kind of president?” asked Paulette Kael, the literary editor of the New York Review of Books.  ”Look at her.  Her husband’s a union member who works with his hands, her son is in the military, she had to work for everything she has, she engages in hunting and fishing, and, my god, she has five kids, none of which are adopted from exotic countries.  This will seem so alien to voters.  I’m not sure how America will be able to relate to her.”

Not all of the consternation came from left of the political spectrum.  Regal Puddington III is the editor in chief of The Weekly Review, an obscure conservative literary journal.  As he lit his pipe and adjusted his bow tie, he asked: “Does she even know her Burke from her Locke? Her Mises from her Hayek?” Puddington, who has been to London, Paris, and other cosmopolitan cities around the world, but has yet to visit anywhere in America besides New York City, his ski chalet in Boulder, and his summer home in Martha’s Vineyard, considers himself an expert in Alaskan politics as he once read a Jack London novel in middle school.  ”I’m not sure America will be comfortable with a vice president who didn’t attend Dartmouth or Yale.”

D’s Worried Over Republican Smears, Dirty Tricks, Spin

The Obama campaign headquarters buzzed with energy yesterday afternoon, but there was a sense of foreboding among staffers.  ”We are just waiting for the Rove/Bush spin machine to kick into high gear and turn Obama into somebody we wouldn’t recognize,” said campaign strategist Harold Scrottle, taking a break from planning a campaign ad aimed at convincing voters that John McCain, a former POW, doesn’t support America’s veterans.  ”But what keeps us up at night is the anticipation of the dirty smears, the swift-boating, that will be attempted against Obama,” worried Scrottle, who paused briefly to read an email from a 527 group asking for input on an internet effort to spread the idea that McCain has become senile.  ”We are planning to face a barrage of lies about Obama’s past statements.  They will lie and twist everything Barack has said,” lamented Scrottle, before posting a blog entry on Obama’s website accusing McCain of advocating more American casualties by wanting troops to stay in Iraq forever.   “We will have a hard time fighting back against the Republican echo chamber of Fox News, the Wall Street Journal, and Rush Limbaugh,” Scrottle fretted before heading out the door for interviews with ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS, MSNBC, CNN, NPR, The New York Times, The Washington Post, and USA Today.

In other fake election news . . .

Media Outraged Over Obama Accusations Against Obama

Exclusive: Biden’s VP Speech Revealed!

Impacting Hard

Exclusive sources deep within the DNC have revealed Sen. Joe Biden’s vice presidential acceptance speech, causing an uproar among Obama campaign staffers.  Biden is not expected to address plagiarism charges leveled against him.  Here are selected excerpts from Biden’s speech:

I’m John Kerry and I’m reporting for duty.

Thank you.

We are here — thank you — We are here tonight — We are here tonight because we love our country.

We’re proud of what America is and what it can become.

My fellow Americans, we’re here tonight united in one purpose: to make America stronger at home and respected in the world.

The rest of Biden’s speech can be read here.