D’s Worried Over Republican Smears, Dirty Tricks, Spin

The Obama campaign headquarters buzzed with energy yesterday afternoon, but there was a sense of foreboding among staffers.  ”We are just waiting for the Rove/Bush spin machine to kick into high gear and turn Obama into somebody we wouldn’t recognize,” said campaign strategist Harold Scrottle, taking a break from planning a campaign ad aimed at convincing voters that John McCain, a former POW, doesn’t support America’s veterans.  ”But what keeps us up at night is the anticipation of the dirty smears, the swift-boating, that will be attempted against Obama,” worried Scrottle, who paused briefly to read an email from a 527 group asking for input on an internet effort to spread the idea that McCain has become senile.  ”We are planning to face a barrage of lies about Obama’s past statements.  They will lie and twist everything Barack has said,” lamented Scrottle, before posting a blog entry on Obama’s website accusing McCain of advocating more American casualties by wanting troops to stay in Iraq forever.   “We will have a hard time fighting back against the Republican echo chamber of Fox News, the Wall Street Journal, and Rush Limbaugh,” Scrottle fretted before heading out the door for interviews with ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS, MSNBC, CNN, NPR, The New York Times, The Washington Post, and USA Today.

In other fake election news . . .

Media Outraged Over Obama Accusations Against Obama

Breaking News: Obama Picks Obama As Veep

The AP is reporting that Democrat nominee Barack Obama has picked himself to be his vice presidential candidate.  Obama was quoted as saying, “When it came to a running mate who would be experienced enough to help me reverse global warming, make the lame walk, heal the sick, cure cancer, and bring peace on earth, I knew there was only one man qualified to do that.  Truly, I am the one I have been waiting for.”  It has been confirmed that when Obama asked Obama to be his vice president, Obama responded by looking defiantly into the distance before reading the following off of his teleprompter: “I accept.  This is the moment that the obesity epidemic began to recede, your acne started to clear up, and Chevy Chase started to be funny again.”  Afterwards, Obama and Obama turned a loaf of bread and a few pieces of fish into organic, locally grown arugula, edamame and free range chicken in order to feed the hungry.

In other political news . . .

Arianna Admits: HuffPo A Parody

Gore Blames Recent Hot Weather On Global Warming

Media Outraged Over Obama Allegations Against Obama

Obama: McCain Campaign Racist

In response to repeated criticisms of his tax plan from Sen. McCain, Sen. Obama and his campaign have returned fire, accusing the campaign of blatant racism.  After McCain said Obama wanted to raise taxes, Obama quickly said this was an attempt to bring attention to his race, playing into the vicious stereotype that all blacks want to raise taxes.  Obama staffer Harold Scrottle released a statement decrying “McCain’s effort to play on the bigoted fears of Americans who unfairly associate a capital gains tax increase with the African-American community.”  Obama himself later addressed the issue when he said, “The Republicans are going to try to make an issue of that fact that I don’t look like all those guys on the coins because I’m not made of zinc or copper.  Or that the color of my skin is a reason to fear that I will raise your payroll tax.”   The NAACP responded to McCain’s comments by demanding new government programs to address persistent racism in America, but did not make a suggestion on how to fund the new programs. The KKK did not issue a statement, as its three remaining members are awaiting trial on charges of molesting a dead horse.