Oprah Cult Not Fully Joining Obama Cult

Oprah Winfrey, an afternoon talk show host who reached great achievement in a male dominated world and who encourages women to achieve in a male dominated world, is against allowing Gov. Sarah Palin, the first woman to run as vice president on the Republican ticket, on her show.  Winfrey’s staff is divided by the decision, as is Oprah’s cult.  Oprah, who tried to transfer her cult to Obama’s cult during his battle against another woman seeking achievement in a male dominated world, has been surprised at the angry reaction from disillusioned members of her own cult, who took to heart her words of encouragement for female achievement in a male dominated world.  Dr. Phil is expected to intervene if there are any television cameras used to cover the controversy.

Breaking – New Palin Scandal!

Impacting Hard

The political world was thrown into chaos Tuesday night as a possible devastating scandal involving Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin and one of her children emerged.  The New York Times is set to report in five front page articles on Wednesday morning that Piper, the Palin’s 6-year-old daughter, has been a very naughty girl . . . THIS POST HAS MOVED.  CLICK HERE.  CHECK OUT THE EDWARDSREPORT.COM, THE RIGHT WING ONION RIP-OFF.

DC/NY Axis Outraged

Senator John McCain’s choice of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin to be his running mate has set off alarm bells throughout the Beltway and into the media center of New York City.  Washington Lobbyist Bernice Satanica was deeply alarmed about McCain’s choice.  ”Palin’s so inexperienced.  She’s not familiar with Washington’s ways.  For example, she doesn’t know how to hide a lobbyist’s gift from public scrutiny.  She doesn’t know how to work the system to give tax dollars to your undeserving campaign donors.  She doesn’t know which local park is best to stash the bodies of political associates or former lovers.  She’ll be a disaster.”

In New York City, the reaction was just as swift.  ”I mean, my god, does she even read Frank Rich every Sunday?  Has she ever read Derrida or Foucault?  Is America really ready for that kind of president?” asked Paulette Kael, the literary editor of the New York Review of Books.  ”Look at her.  Her husband’s a union member who works with his hands, her son is in the military, she had to work for everything she has, she engages in hunting and fishing, and, my god, she has five kids, none of which are adopted from exotic countries.  This will seem so alien to voters.  I’m not sure how America will be able to relate to her.”

Not all of the consternation came from left of the political spectrum.  Regal Puddington III is the editor in chief of The Weekly Review, an obscure conservative literary journal.  As he lit his pipe and adjusted his bow tie, he asked: “Does she even know her Burke from her Locke? Her Mises from her Hayek?” Puddington, who has been to London, Paris, and other cosmopolitan cities around the world, but has yet to visit anywhere in America besides New York City, his ski chalet in Boulder, and his summer home in Martha’s Vineyard, considers himself an expert in Alaskan politics as he once read a Jack London novel in middle school.  ”I’m not sure America will be comfortable with a vice president who didn’t attend Dartmouth or Yale.”

Undecided Voter Shaken By DNC Convention

Local undecided voter Dick Johnson was deeply shaken after watching this week’s Democrat Convention.  ”I watched all evening, all week, and it really opened up my eyes.  I go to work every day and take care of my family, so I’m really busy, but I had no idea that America was in such bad shape.  I didn’t realize that half the country lived under their local bridge, or that only Halliburton executives were allowed decent health care,” said Johnson.  He went on to wonder how the Republicans could have nominated Sen. John McCain as their presidential nominee.  ”At first I thought he was an American hero,” Johnson explained, “but after watching the DNC convention I discovered that he hates those who serve in the military, wants to take away school lunches from poor children, and likes to snap the heads off of kittens.”  Johnson now leans toward Obama.

D’s Worried Over Republican Smears, Dirty Tricks, Spin

The Obama campaign headquarters buzzed with energy yesterday afternoon, but there was a sense of foreboding among staffers.  ”We are just waiting for the Rove/Bush spin machine to kick into high gear and turn Obama into somebody we wouldn’t recognize,” said campaign strategist Harold Scrottle, taking a break from planning a campaign ad aimed at convincing voters that John McCain, a former POW, doesn’t support America’s veterans.  ”But what keeps us up at night is the anticipation of the dirty smears, the swift-boating, that will be attempted against Obama,” worried Scrottle, who paused briefly to read an email from a 527 group asking for input on an internet effort to spread the idea that McCain has become senile.  ”We are planning to face a barrage of lies about Obama’s past statements.  They will lie and twist everything Barack has said,” lamented Scrottle, before posting a blog entry on Obama’s website accusing McCain of advocating more American casualties by wanting troops to stay in Iraq forever.   “We will have a hard time fighting back against the Republican echo chamber of Fox News, the Wall Street Journal, and Rush Limbaugh,” Scrottle fretted before heading out the door for interviews with ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS, MSNBC, CNN, NPR, The New York Times, The Washington Post, and USA Today.

In other fake election news . . .

Media Outraged Over Obama Accusations Against Obama

Hilton Accuses McCain of Plagiarism

Yesterday, famed socialite Paris Hilton rocked the political world with allegations of plagiarism against presumed Republican nominee John McCain.  Ms. Hilton claimed that McCain appropriated his energy policy from her without acknowledging authorship.  She said that “Drill Here, Drill Now” had been her dating policy since she was 15, and requested McCain either giver her credit or change his policy.

Obama: McCain Campaign Racist

In response to repeated criticisms of his tax plan from Sen. McCain, Sen. Obama and his campaign have returned fire, accusing the campaign of blatant racism.  After McCain said Obama wanted to raise taxes, Obama quickly said this was an attempt to bring attention to his race, playing into the vicious stereotype that all blacks want to raise taxes.  Obama staffer Harold Scrottle released a statement decrying “McCain’s effort to play on the bigoted fears of Americans who unfairly associate a capital gains tax increase with the African-American community.”  Obama himself later addressed the issue when he said, “The Republicans are going to try to make an issue of that fact that I don’t look like all those guys on the coins because I’m not made of zinc or copper.  Or that the color of my skin is a reason to fear that I will raise your payroll tax.”   The NAACP responded to McCain’s comments by demanding new government programs to address persistent racism in America, but did not make a suggestion on how to fund the new programs. The KKK did not issue a statement, as its three remaining members are awaiting trial on charges of molesting a dead horse.

McCain’s Secret Strategy

The Left has been fretting for sometime about a possible “swift-boating” of Sen. Obama, as well as constantly complaining about rumor-based whispering campaigns.  They have every reason to worry.  I have discovered Sen. McCain’s secret dirty campaigning tactic: his associates are going to start a rumor that Sen. Obama is black.  This is expected to ruin Obama’s chance to be president, knocking him out of front-runner status since America is such a racist country.  The Clinton campaign had planned to start the rumor to destroy Obama’s campaign during the Democrat primary but backed away at the last minute, as Bill was worried about a threat from Rev. Jackson.  It is feared among the Obama camp that if some Americans begin to believe that Obama is black, his poll numbers will plummet because America is such a racist country.  His campaign believes that if this rumor had become ingrained in the psyches of voters earlier, Obama would have never gotten this far because, as we all know, America is a racist country.

And Now, An Important Message

Monday, Sen. John McCain, after having a spot on his face removed, said “… I want to again urge all Americans to wear sunscreen, particularly this summer, stay out of the sun as much as possible, wear sunscreen …” Late this week he is expected to remind every American of the importance of flossing every day.  Earlier today Sen. Barack Obama admonished Americans to keep their tires properly inflated.  In August, he will instruct all of us that not washing behind our ears is unsanitary and disappointing to all of our moms.  After the conventions, both candidates are expected to unite together to educate Americans on the importance of breathing.

The Idiot Bush? The Senile McCain?

“Well let me be absolutely clear. Israel is a strong friend of Israel’s.”

- Sen. Barack Obama at a press conference in Jordan.

Yes, we all make mistakes, especially when speaking in public.  I’m just judging The One with the same standards applied to President Bush and Sen. McCain.  I bet Anderson Cooper does not open his show tonight by stating a verbal gaffe was possibly a “game changer.”

Pressed To Drill

President Bush lifted the off-shore drilling ban instituted by his father last week, although exploration is still blocked by a congressional ban.   This act, which put pressure on Congress to let the ban expire, led to a significant two day drop off in the price of oil per barrel.  As support for a major loosening of drilling bans increases throughout the country and in Congress, the price of oil continues to drop and the stock market is responding positively.  If the House and Senate were to immediately open ANWR and drop restrictions on the outer continental shelf, oil prices would plunge dramatically, nearly instantaneously.  The increasing possibility of the U.S. getting serious about drilling has lead to an over $20 decrease in the price of crude in the last week, belying the Democrat talking point that increased domestic exploration would not lower prices for ten years.   An immediate and significant drop in oil would mean not just the obvious smaller tabs at the pumps, but would also lead to a remarkable lessening of inflation fears, lower producer and consumer costs, and a much more robust Wall Street, including pensions and 401(k)s.  Which leads to the question: Are the Democrats just beholden to the radical environmentalists, or purposely pursuing policies to damage the economy until after the inauguration of President Obama?

The Audacity of Dope

The liberals and the media, two groups perhaps too intertwined to be distinguished between, made much of the fact that President Bush declined to name any mistakes he had made.  Terry Moran, who has quite the reputation for being an unabashed left-wing ABC news reporter, challenged Sen. Obama in an interview during his European vacation on his opposition to the surge.  The surge, it should be noted, that Obama claimed would lead to increased violence, but instead played a significant part in the incredible Iraqi turnaround.  In fact, Obama would probably not be able to even visit Iraq if it wasn’t for the surge.  Yet Obama repeatedly told Moran that he would not reconsider his opposition despite the evidence against him.

President Bush has also faced repeated mocking, much of it deserved, for his lack of articulacy.  That may be one reason for the ascendancy of Obama; liberals yearn for a president that won’t embarrass them every time he opens his mouth.  It is well known that Obama (pronounced jee-zuh s) is a stirring orator, in the tradition of Lincoln, Churchill, and Reagan.  And yet we don’t see much reported on the uh, well, uh . . . inability of Obama to communicate artfully without a teleprompter.

But Bush is not only inarticulate, according to his bashers; when he is able to articulate an idea, he is often inaccurate or mistaken.  He is, they claim, a verbal gaffe machine, even inspiring a book on “Bushisms.”  The latest DNC talking point, faithfully repeated, I mean reported, by the media, is that Sen. McCain is also continually making gaffes, although not because of a lack of intellect similar to that suffered by Bush, but because McCain is tired and confused (hint, hint).  As I write this, Anderson Cooper opened his show on CNN this evening by stating that McCain had made a possibly “game changing” mistake during an interview on the surge (more on that tomorrow).  Obama has made several mistakes, some quite bizarre, that go beyond anything that Vice President Quayle ever did.  For instance, Obama referred to the 57 states that he visited and the 8 to 10 years he plans on being president.   As Michelle Malkin started reporting earlier this year, there are quite a few others.  This is not the audacity of hope; this is the audacity of the hypocrisy of the Left, from the media to politicians to voters, who lack even an ounce of intellectual consistency or honesty.

Johnny Come Lately?

In what is shaping up to be an awful year for Republicans, the GOP primary voters managed to pick the one candidate that might actually have a chance in November.  With President Bush’s embarrassing approval rating and a Republican Party which is hemorrhaging registered voters, Sen. John McCain’s image of independence and reform gives the GOP an opportunity to not only stop an election blowout, but also to improve or even alter the negative themes (corruption, ineptitude, mismanagement) that many now associate with the party.  Unfortunately, Sen. McCain has not taken the steps required to seize the opportunities available due to the voter’s angst, and thus win the election and save his party.

What would Sen. McCain need to do to win?  I would suggest an overarching theme of reform, based on four basic principles close to the voters’ heart.  He should repeat these ideas at every opportunity, claiming a history of reform over inexperienced and unknown change.

1) A simple energy plan based on CONSERVATION, INNOVATION, and EXPLORATION.  Sen. Obama is locked into a difficult position due to the intransigence of his most vocal and partisan supporters and the radicalism of the environmentalist left that controls the Democrat party.  While liberal pols scream about high gas prices, their real complaint is only that the government didn’t raise the prices through a gas tax increase.  Basic economics tells us that a massive increase in the price of something will lead to less use of it.  The environmentalists have long wanted to decrease energy consumption in this country, often with cries that we are “dependent on foreign oil.”  Sen. McCain must challenge the slogans of the Left by agreeing that we must get off foreign oil, but do so by using American oil.

Sen. McCain has altered his views on offshore drilling due to the unprecedented gas prices, but still clings to his opposition to drilling in ANWR.  He must change his view on this, not just for political expedience, but also for what is best for the country.  In order to do so, he should visit ANWR personally, and take in the fact that the area where drilling would take place is much less than 1% of the refuge and is not “pristine,” but rather barren and frigid in winter and barren and mosquito-infested in summer.

As for the innovation and conservation, Sen. McCain should drop his support for an economy-destroying cap-and-trade system that will just cause more pain for the working class and middle class voters he needs, and instead advocate for unleashing the ingenuity of America and encourage environmental entrepreneurship through increased use of tax credits and incentives, and continue to fine-tune his proposal of a multi-million dollar reward for private inventors who can help us with more efficient vehicles.   He should stress the energy crisis will be solved by using all avenues available to the country, and the Sen. Obama is too beholden to the far Left to be open to drilling.  He should repeat the phrases “environmentally sound drilling” and “safe nuclear power,” speak of increased conservation efforts, and emphasis emphatically that drilling in America will lead to more family wage American jobs.

2) A sharp, radical plan to battle political corruption.  The disastrous Republican election in 2006 was due to mismanagement in Iraq and what seemed a never-ending stream of scandals involving GOP congressmen.  In order to battle the perception of incompetence and corruption, Sen. McCain, who has a good start in that he has a reputation of being a fighter for transparency and against government overspending, must push loudly and endlessly for an end to all earmarks, new lobbying restrictions, and more transparency and restrictions on when politicians’ family members are hired with companies which have business before Congress.  These aren’t exactly pressing issues for many, but they are important issues in battling the stultifying perception that threatens to seriously wound the GOP and most of its candidates, federal to state to local.  When discussing these issues, he should mention recent Democrat scandals in Congress, e.g. “Friends of Angelo,” Rangel’s apartments, etc.

3) It has been mentioned many times before by writers smarter than I, that the Republican Party needs to keep and win back voters who are in the working and middle classes.  They are being the hurt the most by a lack of increase in wages, the rise in gas prices, and enlarged health care costs.  Others have proposed some ideas to do this, and they include such things as a huge increase in the child tax credit, targeted tax cuts for the working and middles classes, and health care reform.  (Those who have addressed these issues include Atlantic Monthly writers Ross Douthat and Reihan Salam in Grand New Party, and Ramesh Ponnuru and Rich Lowry in the current National Review.)  Sen. McCain has a great health care reform plan, but he doesn’t appear interested in discussing the issue, much less learning the details.  This is an immense mistake, but one that is not limited to Sen. McCain; most Republican politicians have not taken up the issue from a free market perspective, thus conceding the issue to the Democrats.  Sen. McCain needs to address health care and use the following words to, correctly, describe his plan: reform, choice, portability, flexibility, competition, efficiency, price decreases.  These will be the results of his approach to health care, but most voters haven’t heard that he even has one.

4) The final issue is just a refutation of conventional wisdom and an admonition to the McCain camp.  Social issues, it is assumed, have hurt the Republican Party, especially a pro-life stance on abortion.  The aforementioned Ponnuru has explored this issue, and decisively presented the case that the exact opposite is true.  The GOP gains more votes than it loses by its social positions, especially among Catholics and the working class.  These voters would most likely abandon the GOP were the party to itself abandon a traditional stance on social issues.  Sen. McCain must not ignore these issues, and certainly not antagonize any more of the leaders within the social conservative movement.  He has an impressive pro-life record; he shouldn’t be ashamed or reticent about it.

If McCain is to have a chance, and the Republican Party a future, he must reclaim the mantle of reform and target the anxieties of the working and middle classes.

Vice Squad

Columnist extraordinaire Robert Novak is reporting that Sen. McCain will be announcing his vice presidential choice this week.  The CW was that McCain would wait until after Obama makes his selection, expected to be right before the Democrat convention this summer.  Novak has great sources, especially in Republican politics, and the responses are unified that this was timed to knock Obama’s foreign trip down a notch, but divided on whether it is actually true or just a fake leak.  Rumors rocking Romney recently.

Op-ed Copout

Drudge headlined the breaking story this afternoon that the NYT editorial page editor David Shipley turned down an op-ed submitted by Sen. McCain.  The article was written in response to an op-ed published in the NYT by Sen. Obama on his shifting Iraq position.  Shipley, a former Clinton White House employee, claimed the article wasn’t what they were looking for.  This is understandable.  The McCain op-ed merely expressed the views of a man who may be the next president on one of the most important issues facing the country.  Besides, publishing the op-ed would have squeezed the space available for the latest column from Bob Herbert or Maureen Dowd.