Exclusive: Biden’s VP Speech Revealed!
Impacting Hard
Exclusive sources deep within the DNC have revealed Sen. Joe Biden’s vice presidential acceptance speech, causing an uproar among Obama campaign staffers. Biden is not expected to address plagiarism charges leveled against him. Here are selected excerpts from Biden’s speech:
I’m John Kerry and I’m reporting for duty.
Thank you.
We are here — thank you — We are here tonight — We are here tonight because we love our country.
We’re proud of what America is and what it can become.
My fellow Americans, we’re here tonight united in one purpose: to make America stronger at home and respected in the world.
The rest of Biden’s speech can be read here.
August 26, 2008 Posted by Edwards Report | Election 2008, Fake News, Laugher Curve | 2004, acceptance speech, Barack Obama, Democrat, Democratic convention, Joe Biden, John Kerry, Joseph, law school, Neil Kinnock, nominated, nomination, plagiarism, presidential, speech, Vice President | 1 Comment
Jo’ Bama Jokes
Jo’ Bama talks so much his mouth is like a convenience store, open 24 hours a day.
Please add your own in the comments section.
More to come.
August 25, 2008 Posted by Edwards Report | Election 2008, Laugher Curve | Barack Obama, jo bama, Joe Biden, jokes, yo mama | 4 Comments
Obama/Biden Ticket Worries Environmentalists
Fear spread throughout the environmentalist community early Saturday morning as the news that Barack Obama had chosen Sen. Joe Biden as his vice presidential candidate. National environmentalist groups are worried that the Obama/Biden ticket would vastly increase the dangers and imminence of global warming, as a result of the combination of hot air released from both candidates. “This will lead to more hurricanes, an increase in the death of polar bears, and the end of Antarctica as we know it,” claimed activist Harold Scrottle, the head of the Faction for Alleviating Global Warming. Although the similarities between the two makes them almost indistinguishable, Scrottle went on to say that the Democratic ticket is more of a danger to the environment than cow flatulence. Environmentalist Al Gore was unavailable for comment as he was aboard his private plane.
August 23, 2008 Posted by Edwards Report | Election 2008, Fake News, Laugher Curve | Al Gore, Barack Obama, environment, Environmentalism, Faction for Alleviating Global Warming, Global Warming, Harold Scrottle, Hot Air, Joe Biden, Senator, veep, Veepstakes, Vice President | 1 Comment
Scott Edwards, Editor
Greatest Hits . . .
EXCLUSIVE: TRANSCRIPT OF OBAMA’S MARRIAGE PROPOSAL
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Mr. Edwards, a longtime observer of politics, Lawrence Welk reruns, and the Victoria’s Secret catalog, has a real job besides blogging about politics, pop culture, and the latest fashions from his home in the Pacific Northwest. He is a successful author who has written under the noms de plume Agatha Christie, Oscar Wilde, and Shakespeare. He thinks he's clever by making obscure pop culture references. He reads too many liberal newspapers, and thus drinks heavily. He eats raw steak and drinks Jack Daniels for breakfast. He hates children, animals, and cuddling, and is surprisingly still single. He holds a bachelors degree in political science, or as he calls it, a BS in BS. He was once hired to be a performance artist, but was fired due to having talent and a future. He is so pomo he has become ironically detached from reality. He has frequently been praised for having the racial sensitivity of Don Imus, the moral rectitude of Larry Flynt, and the communication skills of a young Helen Keller. He is in the Guinness Book of World Records for having the largest collection of Precious Moments figurines. You can contact him at edwardsreport@gmail.com.-
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