Breaking News: Edwards Not Gay
In a shocking turn of events, former senator and presidential candidate John Edwards admitted that he is not a homosexual. Edwards, whose love of hair care products and soft, delicate hands led many to assume he was gay, came out as a member of the heterosexual community in response to a National Enquirer report. Ann Coulter is expected to release an apology, but could not be reached for comment.
EDITOR’S NOTE: To those of you who consider this post to have resorted to offensive stereotypes, please know this website finds homophobia to be totally gay.
The (John) Edwards Report
This august publication is steeped in the well developed journalistic ethics that permeate so much of American media, so it is with a heavy heart that this post is based on a report in the National Enquirer. They have been diligently pursuing a sex scandal involving onetime senator and former and possibly soon-to-be vice presidential candidate John “No Relation” Edwards. The rumors that he has not only a mistress but a love child as well have been around for awhile, and they have no proof such as a DNA test, but their latest story does not look good. So while his wife was battling cancer, Sen. Bedwards was (allegedly) riding dirty with this woman:
Sen. Bedwards & his baby's mama?
