Now at Edwardsreport.com!

We’ve moved!  Now at Edwardsreport.com!  New contributors!  An awesome logo! More posts!  More features! More ads!  Now gluten free! The same lame, right wing Onion rip-off! Yeah!  Edwardsreport.com! Edwardsreport.com! Edwardsreport.com!  Everybody’s smoking Edwardsreport.com, why don’t you?  Are you chicken?  It feels good, trust me.  You’ll like it.  Edwardsreport.com.

Breaking – New Palin Scandal! (Repost!)

Impacting Hard

The political world was thrown into chaos Tuesday night as a possible devastating scandal involving Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin and one of her children emerged.  The New York Times is set to report in five front page articles on Wednesday morning that Piper, the Palin’s 6-year-old daughter, has been a very naughty girl, raising questions about Gov. Palin’s governing abilities.  Among other shocking details, the Times is revealing that Piper once stayed up past bedtime and refused to eat her vegetables.  Bernice Satanica, the head of Humorless Alliance for Grrls! (HAG), responded to the revelations by asking, “If she can’t get her 6-year-old to eat broccoli, can we really trust her to negotiate with Ahmadinejad?  What kind of mother has ever had a child that disobeyed them?”  Campbell Brown, a CNN anchor who also works as a spokesman for the Obama campaign, asked a McCain staffer about the damaging information during her most recent newscast.  ”This makes one wonder if Palin was really vetted at all.  Why didn’t the McCain campaign hire a private investigator to follow Piper around so they could have avoided this embarrassment from the start?” Campbell then went on to say that Gen. Petraeus was in charge of putting kids to bed, not parents, before turning things over to Anderson Cooper, who had just returned from a day of antique shopping and Appletinis with his girlfriend, Anita Beard.

Oprah Cult Not Fully Joining Obama Cult

Oprah Winfrey, an afternoon talk show host who reached great achievement in a male dominated world and who encourages women to achieve in a male dominated world, is against allowing Gov. Sarah Palin, the first woman to run as vice president on the Republican ticket, on her show.  Winfrey’s staff is divided by the decision, as is Oprah’s cult.  Oprah, who tried to transfer her cult to Obama’s cult during his battle against another woman seeking achievement in a male dominated world, has been surprised at the angry reaction from disillusioned members of her own cult, who took to heart her words of encouragement for female achievement in a male dominated world.  Dr. Phil is expected to intervene if there are any television cameras used to cover the controversy.

Left Admits: We Were Kidding About Free Speech

After several recent incidents involving leftists seeking to intimidate or squelch speech, including physically intimidating blogger Michelle Malkin and Fox News reporter Griff Jenkins and seeking to shut down anti-Obama television advertising, the Left has officially admitted that they really don’t believe in free speech.  Official Left spokeswomyn Harold Scrottle, a transsexual, said “We routinely claim free speech as one of our guiding principles, but we can longer say that with a straight face.  Look at our embrace of bringing back the Fairness Doctrine to squelch conservative talk radio.  We on the Left like to think of ‘free speech’ as government sponsored art that involves a crucifix in urine or elephant dung on the Virgin Mary, not anyone advocating an opinion we find offensive, such as cutting taxes.”  Scrottle, who will be using the same surgeon Keith Olbermann used for his sex reassignment surgery , went on to mention college speech codes, hate crimes laws, and campaign finance reform as other examples of the Left’s lack of free speech credentials.  ”It was hard to believe that after we took those stands that anyone actually took us serious as free speech supporters.”  He went on to laugh about how the Left “will try to stifle conservatives they ridiculously label as Nazis such as Rush Limbaugh, but will defend the right of free speech of actual Nazis.” After the Left failed to defend the right of journalists to print the Muhammad cartoons, many on the Left wondered how long the charade of supporting free speech would be able to continue.  Scrottle says the decision to admit the truth was difficult, but necessary, before adding, “If you actually print this article, we will accuse you of being a fascist and against free speech.”

Breaking – New Palin Scandal!

Impacting Hard

The political world was thrown into chaos Tuesday night as a possible devastating scandal involving Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin and one of her children emerged.  The New York Times is set to report in five front page articles on Wednesday morning that Piper, the Palin’s 6-year-old daughter, has been a very naughty girl . . . THIS POST HAS MOVED.  CLICK HERE.  CHECK OUT THE EDWARDSREPORT.COM, THE RIGHT WING ONION RIP-OFF.